We know what you’re thinking… You’re thinking “My goodness, I certainly love the fresh zesty taste of an apple, but I wish my apple could be both more modest and allude to a woman’s part all at the same time.”
Here’s your Vagapple. Happy now?
Some people eat turkey. Others gobble something else.
And then rinse.
And then paint a handbag about it.
“What me? Oh, I make these great necklace charms combining my love of brand names with my love of trademarked icons… Art is so easy!! I just take other people’s garbage and my old scrapbook punches and go to town while I watch tv! This way I don’t waste a single pop can OR even one ounce of creativity! It’s so fun and… hey! Where are you going?”
We admit that there is nothing inherently awful about this costume’s execution, but we can’t help agreeing with the pictured monkey himself:
“Sock monkey costume? Mom? Really?”
This year, say it with a chest va-j.
“Honey!? Do you remember that time a few years ago when we distracted your sister’s kids with some RIT and the sheets we found that hobo wrapped in? Did they do that in a bucket in the garage, ’cause I think I just found it?”
If we wore this, we would never escape the feeling that we were being felt up by a persistent perverted ghost.
Regardless, please heed our warning: jewelry should not give you breast exams.
No! We absolutely did NOT specifically search for crap beaver projects just so we could use this headline.
Shut up.
Posted in Toys
We can only guess that this was inspired by the very rare Webbed-Tentacled Spider Squid, known to frequent shallow well-water in the Appalachian Mountains.
In case you wondered, it’s the bow that makes it dressy.
This is a custom shirt for crafty moms to slap on the torso of their precious spawn. You’re supposed to fill in the craft of your choice.
From the clearly crack-addled item description:
“When people see your little one all decked out in The Most Adorable Handmade items ever, they won’t have to wonder where you got them, they will know you are the source. And because they know you are the source, they will come up and ask you about them. And when they come up and ask you about them, they will want some of their own. And when they want some of their own, they will buy them from you. And when they buy them from you, you now have more money to spend on your crafting addiction.”
It almost makes us wish we had a kid, so we could get this shirt with the custom message “My mom made me pimp her out.”
Posted in For Kids
