Can it bitch-slap itself?


The maker of this shrunken leather glove (sigh) delights us by using a superlative adjective as if it were fact: “The trim detail at the cuff is just gorgeous.” Please remember that descriptives are subjective.

We know what you’re thinking now… “This IS the most beautiful shrunken leather glove I’ve ever seen, but with this troubled economy, I can’t afford to buy an art piece. I wish it was somehow functional…”

Guess what!? It’s not JUST a shrunken leather glove, it’s a shrunken leather glove with a MAGNET on the back! And if that doesn’t make the pesos come flying out of your wallet, you’ll be happy to read the following three sentences, which The Deciders believe to be maybe the best three sentences in the world at this moment. They are:

#1: “The marabou feathers are included and are removable.”

Really? They are included AND removable? At the same time!?

#2: “You can put anything you like in it.”

You now have permission to use this however you want. We’re thinking of saving up our loose change in one in order to save up for another.


#3: “These make the perfect gift for the person with everything.”

If by “gift” you mean “punishment” and “with everything”  means “you hate” then, yes.

Oh, this is called a “Gloven” by the way.



4 responses to “Can it bitch-slap itself?

  1. I’d like to order one. It would come in handy for my many duels. 😐

  2. Well. It’s better than a shrunken head. Marginally. Love the ‘Tap reference in the tag! LOL

  3. I’ve got to *hand* it to you… You’re a good writer. This entire site makes me chuckle. And your narratives ? H.i.l.a.r.i.o.u.s.

  4. leaves a note on your windshield noting that “gorgeous” is not a superlative. “More gorgeous” is a superlative.

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